A person’s traits are reflected only on repetition. Getting to know a person better is basically understanding what are the things he/she repeats and thus then predicting how he will repeat them in other circumstances. Those repetitions can be pleasant or unpleasant to us. Those repetitions can be in harmony or disharmony with our own repetitions and this is how we come to like or dislike a person on various levels. Identity sets repetitions in actions and repeated actions create the identity.
To change ourselves in meaningful ways is to repeat the actions that are in alignment with our desired identity.